Thorn in the Crown

Ok, folks. This Writer's strike sucks. There is NOTHING to watch. Those of you who know me, and/or pay attention, know that I don't have cable so my limited choices are narrowing down to nothing. Although, last night was entertaining. I watched "Crowned, the Mother of all Pageants." This was really something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I shouldn't be supporting such rediculousness but hey, blame the Writers, not me. If they weren't on strike I would have been watching less mindnumbing TV.

This show is about Mother/Daughter duos competing for $100,000. This seems so stupid to me. I wouldn't do it for less than a million. The best part is one of the judges is Carson Kressley, you know, the Queer Eye guy. These Mothers and Daughters are so clueless. One couple plays on the kidney transplant the Mom had a couple years ago. Please, get over it already. She seemed fine while she was drinking champagne!

I really don't think I will be able to stomach many more episodes. I will, however, watch it one more time. After all, it's the only thing on Sundays. What happened to "Amazing Race?"

Road Rage Revisited

Before I get started on my latest episode of road rage, let me say two things first. Firstly, I want to say that this is my tree. Isn't it pretty? It's fake (duh!).






Secondly, I wanted to say that Pretty Girl and I went to Magdalena's graduation last night. She got her Masters. I bet she thinks she's better than me now. Well, she is so I need to just get over it. We took the Grinch with us and a little boy wanted him. I know what you're thinking - "Why did he want it?" Cuz I kept taunting him with it, why do you think? Yeah, that's right. In true Christmas spirit I was showing him how cool it would be to have a Grinch but not letting him touch it. Oh well, with some therapy he'll get over it.


Ok, now on to the road rage. I guess it's not truely road rage but I did want to hurt someone. Why is it that when you are trying to get somewhere everyone on the road knows this and tries to mess with you? No, I'm not egocentric, just paranoid. Pretty Girl and I were driving south on Rural heading home from Magdalena's graduation. Why is it that the public, for the first time, decided that Rural wasn't a racetrack and at that moment decided to go 35 mph? Oh my god people, the posted speed limit is 45 and we all know that that is just a suggestion. Every other time the public is driving 55 or faster. Hey, Pretty Girl had practice, we had to get home. I told her that this is why I live close to work. If I had to commute downtown everyday I would be hanging out of my car and shaking my fist at the drivers explaining to them that they don't know how to drive. I'm telling ya, if everyone drove like me there wouldn't be any traffic jams. Really, I'm a good driver. No, really I am!

nuff said

There is nothing more I can say...

All I want for Christmas is...

Janis!

Really, that's all. Whitney and I went to see a movie yesterday and saw this commercial before the film started:



I want that little girl. How cute is she? So cute. What's cuter than Janice? Nothing!

Just Desserts

I'm still waddling my way around after a fantastic Thanksgiving. What were you thankful for? I was thankful for the stuffing. Every year we get together with friends and have a feast. It's a lot of fun. This year I made my usual mashed potatoes. The potatoes sat in the crock pot (to keep warm) for too long and turned to starch. People said they tasted fine. They're all liars. I thought they were horrible and it almost put a damper on my meal but the stuffing made up for it.

I also made three desserts. Yeah, that's right, I said three. Here is a picture of one of them:










It's a spice cake with cream cheese frosting. Those of you who know me know I don't eat most white foods so, as expected, I didn't eat this. People said it was delicious. I totally believe them. I even made the toffee!

I'm getting ready to send out Christmas cards. Don't get excited, you won't be recieving one. I usually don't send them to anyone but this year I decided to send them to the last remaining relatives I have and believe me, there aren't a lot.

I accidently told Shana that I would go Christmas shopping with her when she comes back for winter break. WHAT WAS I THINKING! I must have been drinking. Oh well, I'm sure we'll have fun. If I survive the trip and I'm not put in jail for getting into a fight I'll let you know how it goes.

Foreign Policy

Is there a policy on when to decorate your house for Christmas? Should there be? I drove through the neighborhood again last night and saw another house all lit up with lights and a huge blow up Santa on the patio roof. That was just the back side of the house! Good god people, it isn't even Thanksgiving! Is there some foreign land that allows Christmas decorations before Halloween and Thanksgiving? I called Pretty Teacher and Pretty Girl to express my appall and they agreed with me (see, it's not just me dammit!). Now don't get me wrong, I love Christmas more than most people, but let's be frank - even I get sick of it when it's around for two months! Beth and Bill started Christmas Carols this week. I'm already sick of Frosty the Snowman. I could care less if the idiot melts.

We need some rules people. I don't mind if Christmas crap is sold in the stores before Halloween. I don't care if Christmas Tree lots go up before Thanksgiving but we have got to get a handle on the house decorating. Really, who wants to pay the huge electric bill for more than four or five weeks anyway? You won't catch me putting lights up until the day after Thanksgiving. And speaking of Thanksgiving - I hate when there is a whole week of November after that day. Just thought you would want to know.

Elvis has left the building

Ok, so it's not Elvis, it's Hallmark.com. How can Hallmark.com be closed? I went to Hallmark free ecards (that's right, I'm cheap. Have you seen the prices of greeting cards these days? I could buy at least a gallon of gas for the price of a card!) anyway, Hallmark.com was closed. I need to send an ecard to Pretty Teacher. Sure I could google free ecards and go to another site but then I would have to register and all that crap and then I'd get all that spam from them...It's just too much for me to take right.

I'm a little stressed right now. I'm cutting out coupons (which, by the way, I will forget to use. It's just a ritual I have to trick myself into thinking I am saving money) and making my game plan cuz I'm going out into the world of Thanksgiving/Christmas shopping. I know what you're thinking, "she hates the mall". Well you are correct my pretty, I am not going to the mall. Where I am going is much, much worse: Costco, Trader Joe's, Michaels, Target and Fry's! This will be much worse because I only have to get a couple of things at each store.

This is the time of year when I like to think I have good organizational skills. I think if I get a jump on the shopping I can ease through the season. I will buy most of the stuff I'm bringing to the annual Thanksgiving feast and get a few Christmas things too. I'm already afraid for the people I will encounter. Thankfully one of my purchases at Trader Joe's will be champagne. I will need it when I come home and see that I have bought a bunch of crap that I don't need.

You've been warned. Don't leave your homes until later this afternoon. Oh, and stop by later, we can toast the season with a bit of the bubbly.

Hallmark Moments

The holidays must be near cuz I can feel my cold, cold heart begin to defrost. This is the time of year when I get a lot of Hallmark moments. You know, when something brings a tear to your eye. Like the video on Whitney's MySpace:



My friend Bobby has a Hallmark moment every time he hears Billy Ray Cyrus sing that song about his daughters. (By the way, Bobby may never speak to me again for revealing that he isn't as tuff as he wants people to believe!)



Soon we will all venture out into those crazy, overcrowded, huge buildings we call malls to do some holiday shopping, which I don't like. Ok, that's a lie, I hate it. I hate it as much as I hate mayonnaise! Like when you go to Costco. Pretty Teacher and Pretty Girl "claim" that I ram people with my shopping cart. Right, like I would do that. Besides they have no proof. There's no surveillance video! I say anyone who brings their kids to Costco to feed them lunch via the free samples gets what they deserve.

I hate walking through the mall. Most of the people walk side by side and you can't get around them. I think everyone should be required to walk single file. That would be awesome. And also, people should have to announce when they are going to stop so you don't run into the back of them.

Parking is a whole other issue. What's up with the people that take up two spaces? Like their car is really that nice. Well it won't be if they continue parking at the mall. No, that's not a threat! I hate it when you get stuck behind a car that is waiting for a space and the shopper is still inside. I think they bring a picnic lunch. I hate the whole mall experience. Wait... now that I think of it, I hate the mall and the shopping and the parking. Ok people, you're all on notice...nobody's getting anything for Christmas (that doesn't mean you have to take my present back!).

Freakin' Amazing!

Ok, if you don't watch Amazing Race than I don't think I can like you. This is the best reality show on free TV. Don't even talk to me about Survivor! I hate that show!

Amazing Race is amazing cuz there isn't any silly audience voting, which is the reason I refuse to watch Dancing With the Stars anymore. The Cheetah Girl was voted off and she was the best dancer there. What the hell does the "viewing audience" know about ballroom dancing? Whatever, I'm done with them.

Amazing Race is the only show that puts me in a panic attack for 60 minutes. That's the best diet I know of if you don't have prescription drugs to lose weight (which I have, I know, you're jealous!). I don't know if I like the blondes yet, especially because Shana pronounces her name incorrectly. I absolutely love the Goth couple. What girl wouldn't want to travel the world with pink hair!?

Is road rage really wrong?

We all have it. Don't lie, you know you do. We've all been cut off and would love to lower our windows and call that driver all the names our Mother's said weren't "ladylike" while at the same time flip them off.

Most of us don't ever do anything about all the injustices on the road and that's why we haven't been shot at. But don't you wish, just once, that you could wiggle your nose and that car would be gone?

Like those idiots that won't pull over to the slow lane on the freeway. I drove to Tucson and back today and it was surprisingly easy. Most of the time you have those people who were raised by wolves that have no highway manners. Do they think they own the road? No, I do, now get out of my way!

And speaking of idiots, how about those people that slow down when they see a highway patrol officer that has pulled someone over? PEOPLE, this is the time to floor it. They'll never catch you!

It always amazes me that some drivers will speed up so you can't pass them, then they slow down again. Then you try to pass them and they speed up again. What the hell!? Or the drivers that slam their brakes on when someone pulls into the lane even though they used their turn signal. Did the idiot think they were kidding?

Ok, I feel better now. And luckily for all of you I won't be on the road for the rest of the day!

Let's talk TV

I'm totally addicted to TV. I admit it. Oh, come on, so are you!! Where else but America can you watch what you missed on your computer (Ok, so with the world wide web anyone can, big deal).

I don't care what anyone else says, The Hills is the greatest. I could care less that it's all staged, it's better than most TV. My friend Trish, from work, thinks it's stupid that I watch it. I think she secretly watches it but is too embarrassed to say. I'm not! Remember, I don't care what you think. I love talking about it with Alicia and Melissa cuz I totally revert right back to high school and think, like, oh my god, like, I hate Heidi! You should too or we like can't be friends.

My friend Tom, from work, is horrified that I don't have cable TV. I bet you are too. Whatever! You fools pay for it while I watch it for free from my computer. So what if I'm a season or two behind. There is a lot to catch up on. Tom is, supposedly, taking up a collection from people from work to fund "Cable for Carol". He figured out that he only needs about 35 or 36 people to pitch in $20 and I can get cable for one year. He really wants me to watch Big Love. Don't tell him I have seen every episode (except the last one cuz it's not posted yet) with the help of Sidereel and my friend Brien and let me tell you, it's GOOOOOOOD!!!!!!! Tom says I can watch cable and then blog about it. Like I would have time to blog. If I got cable I would have to quit my job just to watch everything that's on it.

One of my favorite shows on TV is Cops. That's right, I said it. There is nothing better than to see people more pathetic than me. I used to be afraid to watch it cuz I thought I might know someone on it but I'm past that. It's too good to miss. (By the way, I'm watching the clock cuz it's on tonight, I can't wait!)

My first blog, I'm so proud!

I always wanted to have a blog ever since Pretty Teacher and Megan did theirs when they were out of the country. Then I read one yesterday that was funny and I said "That's it!, I'm doin' one."

I always wondered if people would think I'm an idiot for having a blog but guess what? Yes, I am an idiot but I don't care what you think because when it comes right down to it - this is for me not for you (is that wrong?).

So anyway here I am. You might be wondering about the title of this blog. Well, it's true, I do hate everyone-except you. In future posts you'll begin to understand.

Just so you know, I am college educated but that doesn't mean I won't misspell a word or get some grammar wrong. Lighten up. Maybe I'm doing it on purpose.

If you comment to my blog only comment nice stuff. There is too much negative stuff going on and I want to be the only one on this blog that gets to point it out.

So anyway, I was driving thru the neighborhood last Monday and saw a house with Christmas light on! Huh? Yeah, that's what I said. It was two days before Halloween! Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas and I don't mind seeing all the red and green stuff you can buy in the stores before Halloween but I just thought that was wrong.

Speaking of wrong, I saw a lady on the freeway the other day with an oxygen tube up her nose. Don't judge me. I'm not saying that was wrong, what was wrong was the cigarette in her hand!! I should of taken a picture but I have enough trouble trying to keep the car in the lane while I'm on my cell phone.

See, this is why I have a blog. I just have to share this stuff.